Or, How I Forgot I was Trying To Forget You
I went to K-Mart last night. I ran out of clean work clothes and I didn’t want to do any laundry. So I thought I would swing by the nearest store, grab two button-down shirts, and not have to do any laundry til the weekend. I would need socks too. So after work I went to the store and got the shirts and I got the socks and I did the rounds as I’m wont to do; to see if anything else caught my fancy. But nothing did. That is, until I got to the checkout counter. Standing before me was a cutie BBW. Exactly, and I mean EXACTLY, pear-shaped. Her ass was rotund. Easily, a third of her was all ass…
Ahem. And her tits were hella cute.
I just couldn’t look away. And she noticed.
After about two moments she started whistling. And I knew something was up. She whistled the same two tones three times and within seconds a guy, her guy, was standing besides her. Thin wiry guy next to this (heavenly)ass-woman. I almost envied him. I’ve found that chubby guys like me tend to never get the chubby babe. Anyway I had been distracted by her looks but now that her guy was here I saw how “people-of-Walmart” they looked. Walmart people at K-Mart.
I remarked on their selection of to-buy goods: Two big cereal bags and some milk. And now the cashier is telling them their food-stamp card does not have enough money for all that. The pear-shaped-one-third-ass woman haggled. The cereal bags were on sale, The amount on the government-issued food-stamp card should cover it. Sale amount fourteen sixty seven. I had spent even more than that on my lunch that afternoon.
I noticed something odd, however. Chubby-cutie had the latest, bestest, top of the line cellphone. Even better than mine. And believe me, I always carry around the latest. It’s one of my job perks. Well, they paid for their stuff.
A few minutes later I paid for mine (one of the shirts didn’t have the barcode). I got out of the store and into the parking lot. I kind of fantasized about the pear shaped chubby at K-Mart while walking to my car. But I got startled by noticing I wasn’t alone in the parking. I looked up and the woman was there in front of me. Scowling.
Daydreaming had lowered my defenses and I was about to get burned. I saw her recoil her arm back a bit and thrust it forwards; mini Howitzer-like cannons popped out from her right forearm. And she started doing that two-tone whistle again. Only this time it was more like a shriek. I uttered a single word. “FUCK!” as I dropped to one knee and willed my own gun-arm into existence and subsequent but immediate action. I let loose a volley of half-aimed plasma shots at the chubby alien girl who were in mid-flight to the target before I could think: “The guy. Where is the guy!?”
As I looked to my left I saw the guy’s face turn pale. He eyes started to look down, searching for the cause of its death. I think he’d never seen a (s)word-arm before. They’d made it pretty close, I had to give them that. But still, it had been an amateurish attempt. Both now lay dead in the parking lot of the K-Mart.
And my brand new shirts were ruined.